Willie Sidney, And Bascome
"Willie the Water Cooler's coils got clogged one Sunday and he thought that being stationed at the entrance of the meeting house and being bought with church funds surely made him the much sought after authority for the church's fun and frolic. And since even visitors drank from Willie, he thought he was authority for the church's general benevolent program, too.
But when Willie's coils began to clear he distinctly remembered that he had been purchased as an incidental to the church's ASSEMBLING. He knew that he was neither BOUGHT nor USED for benevolence and certainly not for entertainment. However, since Willie knew he was the last chance for any kind of authority for these projects, nobody was going to cloud the issue with the truth. So Willie drowned the facts in his ego and bubbled merrily on.
"Sidney the Seat" became interested in Willie's reasoning and not wishing to be left standing, counted himself in on the plan. Surely everyone knew that Sidney and Willie were incidentals in common with nearly every kind of assembly. Both the worship and a card party needed seats. Both the Bible study classes and banquets needed seats — so let the church furnish seats for all of them, since it does furnish them for worship. Now don't disturb us with the FACT that there IS authority for church worship, but none for church frolic.
Clogged coils also accounted for Willie's partial deafness and later he even admitted that he NEVER DID really hear any preacher make the argument that the meeting house and the church were the same thing, or that the building was sacred like the Temple.
But "Bascomb the Baptistry," not to be out-done, decided that if Willie was authority for church sponsored entertainment, he would help in that area, too. Why not a church swimming party? For Bascomb was a pool of water already, wasn't he? The church paid for him, did they not? He was in the meeting house, right? Therefore, with a little enlargement and a diving board or two — let the elders decide that it is a "good work," and that's that. Don't let anyone point out that the baptistry was bought and used as an incidental to the act of baptizing rather than an incidental to frolicking — for water is common to both this party and baptism, no?
So, Sidney, Willie and Bascomb joined together in inviting all those who have given up hope of ever finding SCRIPTURAL authority for their projects to take up the chant, "Seats, baptistries and water coolers," "Seats, baptistries and water coolers."
(Note: This article was written in response to a similar one, "Willie, the Water Cooler" which has been circulated in many bulletins that we have received.)