Devoted to the Propagation and Defense of New Testament Christianity
January 21, 1960
NUMBER 36, PAGE 3a-4

News And Views

News And Notes

Doyle Fox has moved from Illinois to labor with the church in Luxora, Arkansas. . . . Someone has well said, "In constructing a pie-crust, or a speech, it is important to use just the right amount of shortening." ... Isn't this the truth: "The poorest way to judge a preacher is on the basis of popularity. The world's only perfect preacher was crucified by popular demand." . . . . I am passing on two poems (?) about preachers which may be appreciated by some. These poems do have some merit and they set forth in a clever fashion some pointed observations. Read them:


When we get a brand new preacher, We expect a lot of things,

I sometimes think the preacher Ought to have a pair of wings;

For though he were an angel, With angel's attributes,

It would keep him plenty busy To fill a preacher's boots;

Of course, he must be pleasant, And always wear a smile,

And his clothes must all be fitted In the very latest style.

His appearance is important,

He must comb his hair just right,

It must be the proper color,

Not too dark, and not too light.

We do not want him too fat

And he must not be too tall;

His size must be in keeping

With the frescoes on the wall.

He must call on every member,

Not a member can be missed.

And t'would be a fatal error

If some baby wasn't kissed.

He must keep us in good humor

So we'll not lose faith in God.

We can't be bothered 'bout our faith, For that's the preacher's job.

He must go to every meeting

And keep busy night and day;

And he ought never to expect To get a raise in pay.

He must burn barrels of gasoline, Regardless of the cost;

For unless the preacher does his stuff

We CHRISTIANS might be lost.

He must never be discouraged,

But must labor with a will;

It takes a lot of preacher

To fill the average bill.

But in my church experience

One lesson I have learned;

There's one other little matter

About which I'm concerned.

There's just one little detail,

And, if it isn't too absurd

I would like to ask the question,

"Can the preacher preach the word?"

— The Gospel Guide, Clarksville, Texas

Fire The Preacher

For the church and all its ills Here's the remedy that kills —

There's no need of giving pills —

Fire the preacher.

To the churches in our land For evils on every hand

Here's the remedy at your command, Fire the preacher.

If the elders at your place Fail to measure to God's grace, They can always save their face — Fire the preacher.

If he preaches against the sin Of the women or the men,

Then's the time they should begin To fire the preacher.

If he preach against the cults, And some member he insults,

They can always get results —

Fire the preacher.

If he try to preach the word As is commanded by the Lord,

He's almost sure to be off guard —

They'll fire the preacher.

If the members don't attend, It will happen in the end,

Matters not the one who sinned, They'll fire the preacher.

With sermons long or sermons short, Old Brother Grump will puff and snort,

And Sister Gripe at once will start To fire the preacher.

The preacher's wife, she fumes and frets

Over bills and unpaid debts,

But all the comfort that she gets

Is — "Fire that preacher!"

The preacher's family's doomed to roam From place to place and have no home;

It's there they go, and here they come — "

They've fired the preacher.

When pearly gates swing wide, And he at last is safe inside, Perhaps it's there he can abide

Where — they can't fire the preacher.

Don't take the reading of this ode To mean that I am on the road

Hopping 'round just like a toad

Because they've fired the preacher.

In looking back into my mind I've ne'er been fired, is what I find,

It's true, sometimes I have "resigned"

So they couldn't fire the preacher.

Author's Note: Upon hearing of a congregation that cures its ills by firing the preacher, had had its annual firing, these lines were written in a spirit of fun. There are preachers that ought to be fired, and there are preachers that ought never to be hired, but the habit of firing the preacher will not cure the ills that are chronic in the congregation. Sometimes the preacher has to act as a surgeon and do a job of amputation for the good of the local body. If that is the case, as soon as he has laid down the knife and the scalpel, he'd better begin to pack the family suitcase and load the car. They'll fire that preacher. I know. I give you this little doggerel for your amusement and benefit.

— Geo. B. Curtis, Gospel Light.

A Parody On A Parable

(What is your excuse?)

A certain church prepared a service of worship and edification and invited all to come. They sent forth the invitation, "Come for all things are ready and the time is at hand." But many of those who should attend with tiresome repetition began to make excuse.

The first said, "All week long I labor hard and unceasingly. On Sunday I must needs rest in bed until noon. If I should rise at an earlier hour, there are many,odd jobs around the house that demand my attention, As a last resort, there is the Sunday paper which I must read. I pray thee, have me excused."

Another said, "I have bought a car and on Sunday my family doth clamor to visit those relatives that are far away. To wait until Sunday afternoon is unthinkable for we must needs be there by noon or we miss our lunch. I pray thee have me excused."

Still another equally 'zealous Christian? ?' did say, "Upon Saturday night we did have a most glorious time and on Sunday morn I did not feel like rising to worship my God. I pray thee have me excused by this most valid reason."

One that was 'wise' answered, "I would fain go, but alas! When I was young and tender, my parents did compel me to go with them once, twice, yea, even thrice on a Sunday. I became 'fed up' by all of this 'forced feeding' and have not yet digested all that I got then. I pray thee accept this most valid and intelligent excuse."

There was also another 'zealous lover of God' who said, "My family desireth to eat well and on time on Sunday. They have no patience to wait for me to prepare after returning from worship. They are unwilling to subdue the call of the stomach for the welfare of the soul. I must needs stay home and prepare for them. I pray thee have me excused."

And many other excuses of equal impressiveness did the people make. Yet these same people did raise a great hue and cry and make bitter lament when war, crime, and corruption of all kinds did spread evil abroad in the land. With one accord they began to complain loudly. What has happened to our children. Behold they have no interest in the church of the Lord. Why do our neighbors and friends not become Christians for we have told them many times you must be baptized? Why is not something done about. these things?" For behold, they knew not that they by their negligence had brought these conditions about.

"Verily, verily," I say unto thee, "go thou and avoid their mistakes lest ye too be cast out into outer darkness."

— The Atlanta Word Bearer, Atlanta, Texas.